The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize