Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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