You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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