do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My ATM looks so different sober.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
