i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
