It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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