worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found the puke drawer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
