Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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