drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
3pm strippers are depressing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
