just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
