ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
