y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
