i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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