Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
