1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
