dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
