Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
