woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
