Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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