how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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