Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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