I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
