nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
