Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
