Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Duck Duck Cougar?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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