Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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