You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
