his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
