Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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