Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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