whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
