Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
