I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My bed smells like the plague
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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