Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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