tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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