Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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