Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
