Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
