Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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