She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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