i may or may not be watching the land before time
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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