I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
