Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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