Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
