Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
