btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
