does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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