At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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