Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
