She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize