genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
