Nicole vs. Life
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
