I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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