Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
