I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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