Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
