listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
