There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
