okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
