She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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