sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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