and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
