How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
