Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will be naked everywhere
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
