You're my little dorito
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
