They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
