Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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