Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
