Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why did my mother make you get naked?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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