so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am available for nakedness
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
